lol... that's what it feels like each month... we go all the way back to the beginning and begin again, and again, and again! lol I feel like I should just copy and paste from previous posts!

So I went to Dr. Richards today for my checkup and go ahead for this cycle. Basically he does an ultrasound to make sure there's no lingering cysts. I got the all clear, so I'm starting (again) the Clomid today.

One change this cycle is the Estrogen patch. My uterine lining was borderline too thin for implantation, so the patch should help with that.

We talked about what happened last cycle (I really need to call them cycles instead of months, but more on that later). Dr. Richards thinks that we missed the ovulation by a day. Basically, we should have done the IUI earlier. I think from here on out we're going to take a "Sperm wait for the egg" approach. Meaning that we do the IUI close to, but before we anticipate ovulation so that the sperm are sitting there waiting for the egg to be released. That's fine with me! From what I've read, that approach can yield a better chance of having a girl. So we'll see! I'll be happy with either to be completely honest. :o)

One of the things I've been doing lately is confusing my days/dates. lol Someone will ask what today's date is and I want to tell them Day 7.... as in CYCLE day 7! lol And my cycles are spanning across months, so it gets confusing to say last month, when I mean last cycle. So I really need to do a better job of keeping my terminology straight!

Anyway, that's about it. I was really bummed about not having an "announcement" for Christmas, but maybe we'll have one for Martin Luther King Jr's birthday? lol Because I don't want to have to wait for Valentine's Day!! :o)

Monday I went for my bloodwork and got the results of the Progesterone test on Wednesday. The nurse said "It's really good! Dr. Richards was surprised!" Cool! What was the number? 8. Which is good, but I had to laugh because it's been over 10 before! lol

So I got my hopes up. I mean, we've had so many people praying for us, and with the Christmas next week, I just really thought "Hey, maybe this is my month!"

Well it's not. Saturday morning, there was the evidence. I was devastated. Poor Jack, he didn't know what to do. I just laid in bed bawling my eyes out and couldn't stop. I felt so stupid, but I couldn't help it. All day I'd tear up at the drop of a hat. Ugh! So frustrating, but I just needed to cry. I heard a preacher say once that crying is cleansing, like laughing is healing. I believe that.

So what now? I don't know, honestly. I'm torn between doing another cycle, or waiting a couple of months. Because I'm so discouraged right now, part of me is saying why do I want to put myself (and Jack) through that again? But I want this to happen so much that another part is saying I don't want to put it off.

I'll probably go see Dr. Richards on Tuesday and talk to him about some options. Last month we talked about the possibility of raising my dosage of Clomid. I think this next cycle I want to do that (whether it's this month or another month). Also, Dr. Thurston, one of the on-call docs that I saw, suggested I ask about adding Estrogen after the Clomid, so I want to talk to him about how that would help.

*Sigh*

I went yesterday morning for the progesterone test. Called the doctor's office today to see if they had the results. Nope. Another day to wait.

I'm pretty confident that it will be positive for ovulation. The real test is still another week away. I'm not so sure about that one.

I just felt the need to post this....
I LOVE my doctor's office! My doc is fabulous (Dr. James Richards), and his nurses are amazing! But I have to say that even his colleagues have been awesome! I know they say that when you go in to delivery you never know which doctor you'll get (based on who is on call), but I can honestly say that I would love to have any of those doctors with me.

So if you're in the Dallas area, check out Walnut Hill OBGYN Associates. They deliver at Presbyterian Hospital in Dallas. And, obviously, they do fertility stuff too! lol

2ww. That's what they call it on the message boards. It's the time between ovulation and menstruation. Wow that sounds really clinical! But it is what it is. It's the two week wait between the window of opportunity for conception, and the time when you find out if it worked. And that's where we are... right now.

Another round of Clomid this time, some anxiety about it (since we missed the window last cycle), and a lot of juggling as it turned out!

I went to see Dr. Richards on Monday, December 1 for my Day 12 ultrasound. I had a nice little follicle (again, just one) that measured about 11mm. Not big enough, so we needed to give it some time to cook some more.

On Thursday, December 4 I went in again, this time it was Dr. Richards' son... the other Dr. Richards! lol... who did my ultrasound. Talk about a Doogie Howser moment! The-little-follicle-that-could had grown to about 16mm. Good, but not good enough. Back in the oven little follicle.

This meant that I needed to go in on Saturday to measure again (here's where the juggling came in!). On Saturday I'd see the on-call doctor, which turned out to be Dr. Jeffrey Thurston (sidenote: very neat guy, very personable, and very, very funny! I seriously considered switching to him after that appointment!), but we weren't sure when because he was fitting me in between deliveries and rounds. But what really made it complicated was that I had a craft show that day too! So my sister in law manned my booth while I went to get the new measurements (thank you again, Summer!). So I called the after hours number Saturday morning, got my marching orders and showed up at the hospital (they have an OB office there in addition to the regular office I usually go to). I have to say again, Dr. Thurston was a HOOT! Great bedside manner, I loved him! Anyway... (lol)... the follicle was now 19mm, nice and ripe and ready to go! The next step would be the HCG shot to induce ovulation. However, the follicle was cloudy on the ultrasound, so Dr. Thurston felt like I was in the process of or had just ovulated, so we skipped the shot (yay!). He scheduled me for the insemenation (IUI) on Sunday, gave us the paperwork, called the ARTS program, and sent us on our merry way.

Now, the ARTS program was supposed to call and schedule us to come in on Sunday. By 3:00 I hadn't heard anything and kind of started freaking out. I called the ARTS office, left a voicemail. I called my doctor's after hours number, left a voicemail. The on-call nurse called me back and said the ARTS office was probably already closed for the day. Great! What do we do now? Call them first thing Sunday morning. They typically take the sample at 9:00 AM and you go back around 11:00 AM (which explains why they were probably gone by 12:30 when Dr. Thurston called to schedule me! But I digress...). I asked what the chances were of them turning us away if we just showed up at 9:00... not sure, but it's worth a try. So that's what we did.

Sunday morning I called the ARTS office at 8:00 AM. Voicemail. Great. Left a message and then we got in the car and headed to the hospital, hoping and praying they'd agree to see us without an official appointment. We were about 1/2 way there when my phone rang... it was the ARTS nurse... if we had the paperwork they'd see us! Yay! We got there, Jack did his thing, and then I called the on-call nurse from my doctor's office to schedule the on-call doctor to come and do the IUI. Today's on-call doc was Dr. Bertrand, who happens to be the doctor who did my first IUI! We joked that I'm destined to have a John David (his name) instead of a James Kyle (Dr. Richards' name!).

We headed to La Madeline's for some breakfast.

The nurse called back... Dr. Bertrand wanted to push it back to 12:00 noon so he could go to church (we were supposed to pick up the sample at 10:45 AM). She tried calling ARTS to no avail, so the doc skipped church and was going to meet us at 11:00 AM at the hospital.

We picked up the sample, headed to the office, and met up with Dr. Bertrand. We got settled in the room, he came in, asked a few questions, did the insemenation procedure, told me to lay there for about 30 minutes, best of luck and good wishes, and when we left through the side door it would lock behind us.

And that was it. And now we wait. And wait. And wait. The waiting is the hardest part!

Today was my Day 12 (actually Day 13) ultrasound with Dr. Richards. I have one follicle, but it's small, only 11mm. I'm scheduled to go back on Thursday and see the other Dr. Richards (my doctor's son) for another ultrasound to see how much it has grown. So we'll see where that leads.

Originally I was going to skip November and December because of the holidays and family stuff, but after the disappointment last month I just felt like I should try one more time this year. I'm just really hoping and praying that this is going to be my month!

I've been bad about keeping up with things... meant to blog this weekend and didn't, so here's two updates in one.

I went to Dr. Richards on Friday for my Day 12 ultrasound to measure the follicle (if there was one!). I had one (and only one!), and it was about 14mm. We want it to be 18mm, so I got sent home with instructions to do Ovulation Predictor Kit (OPK) tests. If it turned positive, call and schedule the IUI. If not, come back on Tuesday (Day 15) for another ultrasound.

Well, nothing happened over the weekend (that I could tell), so I went in today for the ultrasound. You're not going to believe this.... It was GONE!! He couldn't find the follicle. I mean, a 14mm follicle doesn't just disappear! He said it's possible that I could have ovulated and missed it (in which case I will be seriously PISSED).

So I'm supposed to keep doing the OPK for a few days in case HE just missed it on the ultrasound, and if no positive, then I'll go in early next week for blood work to see if I have an elevated Progesterone level. If it's elevated then I ovulated and missed it. If not, then the Clomid didn't make me ovulate this month. But I just find it very strange that a good size follicle, almost fully matured, would just vanish!

Call Sherlock! It's the case of the missing follicle!!

So I have the all clear from the doctor, and I'm starting Prometrium this week to re-start my cycle. I'll take it for 12 days, then start my period within a few days, then do Clomid on days 3-7. I'll go in for a sonogram on Day 12, and then we'll see where we go from there.

Jack went to the urologist. Turns out he has low testosterone. He re-did his semen analysis on Saturday, and we'll find out those test results this week. Once the test results are back he'll meet with the Urologist to decide how to treat the low testosterone. Any suggestions?? lol

Other than that, we're just plugging away!

Well, it's been a few months since I posted. I go back and forth between wanting to be public with what we're doing and keeping it a more personal journey. But ultimately I think this is a good forum for expressing myself. And maybe if I say it here, Jack won't get so tired of hearing about it at home! lol

So my last post basically said that we were investigating adoption. After that we decided to try the Clomid one more time. Well, I did Clomid that month, and OMG.... it worked! Not worked like I got pregnant worked, but I actually ovulated! Holy cow! I was using the ClearPlan Fertility Monitor just to see if I ever got an elevated or peak signal and I did! I was SOOOO excited that morning! lol Jack truly thought I had lost it!

So in June we did Clomid, I ovulated, and no pregnant.
In July we did Clomid, I ovulated, and no pregnant.

During this time I was charting my temps and watching my cervical mucus (as per the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility). I never did experience the egg white cervical mucus that is described, or anything close to it.

Also during this time, I had been seeing my regular gynocologist. He had an interest in infertility, but wasn't exactly a specialist. And his nurse... geez. I love her to death, she is so sweet, but she knew nothing about what I was looking for from an infertility standpoint.

So with all of this, I made a decision. Well WE made a decision, Jack and me. We decided to go back to where we started.... Dr. Richards. He's not a Reproductive Endocrinologist, but he is a fertility specialist.

I saw Dr. Richards in August, and even though I was a little bit past the standard Clomid window (cycle days 3-7 or 5-9), we went ahead with the prescription and Intrauterine Insemination (IUI). I took the Clomid for five days, then went in for a sonogram five days after the last pill. The sonogram showed one good follicle on my left ovary, which was great! Enough stimulation, but not too much!! It was still a little small, so he wanted to let it grow some more over the weekend (the sonogram was on a Friday), and then I was to go in Monday for a follow up sonogram and then the HSG shot to induce ovulation. The plan was that I would then have the IUI procedure on that Tuesday.

Well of course my body can't cooperate! lol I felt discomfort on my left side that Sunday, indicating that I was ovulating. I took an Ovulation Predictor Kit test and sure enough, it was positive! Monday morning I called Dr. Richards' office to inform them of the change of plans... I'd be needing the IUI a day early! Dr. Richards was actually out that day, but one of his partners, Dr. Bertrand would do the procedure.

I was at work waiting for a call back to tell me when and where to go. The nurse finally called back and told me to go to the ARTS lab at Presbyterian Hospital, that I had an appointment at 10:45 AM. Well it was 10:00 when she called! I called Jack (who had been put on alert!), and he came to pick me up from the office and we headed to the hospital. Thankfully downtown wasn't congested and we got there at 10:50! Jack went in and provided the deposit and we went to have lunch and hang out at Borders until the sample was ready.

We went back at 1:30 PM to pick up the sample.... "the boys!" lol Then headed across the street to see Dr. Bertrand. After a few, um, mishaps (the air conditioning wasn't on in the exam room, the motor on the table wouldn't work, some tools were missing, etc. lol) the boys were safely and successfully deposited! Yay!

Fast forward a week.... I had bloodwork done and my progesterone was 10.2, which is the highest it's ever been! Before I started the metformin, my progesterone would be less than 1.0, which means I did NOT ovulate, so the Clomid wasn't working. June was the first month of Clomid and Metformin, and my progesterone was 8.1, which confirmed that I did actually ovulate. July my progesterone was 5.3, so I ovulated but not really good. In reality, had I gotten pregnant either of those times I most likely would have miscarried because they want it to be over 10 to be able to sustain a pregnancy. So this was good news... it was the highest it had ever been, and was definitely high enough to avoid a miscarriage. Yay!

Fast forward another week.... cramping... not yay.... bleeding... really not yay. So in a nutshell.... all that and it didn't work. Bummer.

So I went in yesterday to see Dr. Richards, for a follow up sonogram before starting another round of Clomid, just to make sure there were no lingering cysts or follicles. Guess what, I still had a follicle hanging around. So we're going to give it a couple of weeks to see if it will go away on it's own.

At the same time, we have a new challenge.... the lab did a report on the quality and quantity of Jack's sperm. When this test/report was done three years ago, before Jack's accident, he had 156 million sperm! Which is awesome! However last month, his sperm count was only 3 million. Quite a drop! So Jack is going to go see a Urologist next week to see if they can figure out why it dropped so considerably.

So that's it! If you're still reading this.... thanks! lol I know it's a lot, but I really do want to chronicle this time and part of our lives, so I had some catching up to do! I won't wait so long for the next one! :o)

~Heather

So what's next? Lately we've been talking about adoption. And it seems like everywhere I go, everyone I talk to has an adoption story. It's all around us, sometimes right in our face. Maybe God's trying to tell us something. Hmmm.... :)

I've been looking and reading and trying to get answers to some questions we have about the process, the cost, the way things work. Lots of information out there.

So we start... or rather continue... on our journey. We'll get there someday.